Kid on a diet? Part 2

Last session, Lauren sought advice over her 9 year old Zoe’s never-ending appetite. We discovered that Zoe is feeling restricted, which increases her interest in food. I gave recommendations that would reassure her that nobody is taking away her food, and improve structure and variety at meals.

“Hi Lauren!” I greet her cheerily on my screen. “How did this week go?”

Lauren gets emotional as she begins.

“I told you that I don’t believe in dieting – but it was such a relief for me to get the reassurance that even when my daughter is so big I still don’t need to put her on a diet – on the contrary – You showed me how I was unknowingly pressuring her to control her eating and I should be offering her more foods and more eating opportunities.”

“Exactly! How did you manage with the goals we discussed?”

“Well, I worked hard to make nice Breakfasts – most days I made fruit smoothies which Zoe was so happy about – she didn’t even want the cereal with it that I offered.. once or twice I gave her a homemade muffin to go in case she got hungry.”

“Yum! I’m so impressed that you made this happen so early in the morning.”

“Yes – all my kids seemed to enjoy it. And for Zoe especially, I could tell It meant so much to her. She loves when I make her food. We actually talked about it because she asked me why I was suddenly serving breakfast – and I explained to her how it’s my job to make sure she gets enough food, and to also make sure she’s not too starving by the time it gets to lunch.”

“So not only did you give 3 food groups for breakfast, but you also made sure that she wouldn’t end up starving and overeating at lunch. I am so impressed!”

Lauren’s eyes smile and I know she is proud too.

“How do you feel about continuing doing Breakfast?”

“Well, I see how healthy it is and I definitely want to continue – I just worry that I’ll get burnt out of making the smoothies; it does take some time..”

“I totally hear that. Do you have any menu options that are quicker?”

“I mean, can do cereal and milk?

“Of course!” I enthuse. “That’s perfect. Or toast with cheese, or yogurt and granola – any carb and protein/dairy for that matter, and you can offer a fruit or even a vegetable along with that to make it even fuller.

Lauren nods – “Ok I can definitely do that – thanks!”

“Awesome. Can you tell me something that was hard this week – what’s still not working well?”

“So, I’ve been wondering what to do with Zoe in the afternoon. Her friend’s father owns a store right near school, and since Zoe walks home with her, they stop in and get free pastries almost every day.”

“Wow, this is tough.. let me ask you how you would feel if a different one of your kids would be getting a pastry on the way home from school every day.”

“Like a kid whose weight I’m not worried about? Well, I serve supper soon after they come home, and I notice that if they eat a big pastry for snack, they don’t eat supper nicely. So, I wouldn’t be happy if this was happening with any of my kids.”

“Ok, this is great information. I call this using your 'average kid glasses', and it helps us figure out if we are acting in a discriminatory way in order to try to control someone’s weight. If you would let your average kid do something, you need to let your bigger kid do it too. Otherwise, if you single them out, it can kill their self-esteem, and also give them a powerful feeling of restriction. And as you already know, restriction creates more food interest.”

“And kids are smart. They will likely pick up on anything that we do to try to limit their intake, which would lead to over-eating when they get the opportunity. Now that you have used your 'average kid glasses' you can be confident and honest when you talk to her about limiting the pastries, because you are honestly not doing it in order to shrink her body – you just want her to be able to eat supper properly. And I might add that having milk or fruit at home together with the pastry would help balance the nutrition, so eating it plain on the way home is not ideal.”

“Ok.. Lauren says – I really like this idea – but practically, how am I going to get her to stop eating the pastries?”

“This is a really tough issue – she’s already old enough to start being more independent with her food. It’s not so much in your control. And even if it was, I still do want you to be gentle with her because we know that she had really been struggling with feeling restricted, which was causing her to overeat and sneak foods.”

“Can you have a conversation with her? Reassure her that you are not trying to take away the pastries, but the issue is having a proper appetite for supper and also adding variety to the snack – and see what she comes up with. You can let her know that you’d prefer she join her friend less frequently, or have a smaller portion and share the pastry with her siblings when she gets home.”

Lauren is on board. Zoe is old enough to have this conversation, and Lauren is confident that she is acting in the interest of general health - not weight-control. We schedule a session for next week, and I know that Lauren and Zoe are well on their way through this challenge.

The reason I give gentle recommendations that do not restrict intake is because I know that though restriction seems to “work” in the short term, in the long run it creates more food interest. Over time, our weight-neutral approach will help clients get in touch with their hunger and fullness to achieve balance with their food.

I'd love to talk to you about your food-parenting struggles too! Reach out at nourishedwithnoa@gmail.com if you can use some support.

Best,

Noa