How do I help my kids feel good about their bodies?

Kids are smart. They know when we are just saying something to make them feel good – or when we really mean it. Working to understand and change our perceptions and biases around weight will help us better support our kids to grow into their own bodies.

Meditate on these principles (or at least read through this!) to help raise confident and healthy kids:

1.      THIN IS NOT INNATELY MORE ATTRACTIVE.

a)      Until the 1900’s, fat was generally considered healthier and more attractive. Now the tables have turned.

b)     In some areas of West Africa, fat is considered more beautiful and mothers force-feed their kids to make them more beautiful. It’s just as sad as when parents restrict kids.

c)      The trick is to realize that idealizing thinness is a social construct. It’s not based on truth. There are pros and cons to being fat/thin but it’s best to be at one’s natural weight, which is unique to each individual.

d)     Boys and mentors should know this to help boys seek girls that are truly right for them - not just what society tells them is right. (Attraction is important but thin and attractive are two totally different things.) Girls should know this to boost their self-confidence and help prevent dating related dieting.

2.      FAT IS NOT BAD.

a)      We need to eat fat, and we need to have fat on our bodies (but eating fat doesn’t cause us to become fat!) in order to live.

b)     Don’t complain about weight and appearance, whether it’s your own, or someone else’s. It teaches your child to be hard on themselves and puts too much emphasis on appearance.

c)      If a child makes a negative comment about being fat, be matter of fact. Don’t deny fatness or try to use a different word instead of fat– but explain that we all have some fat on our body and compare it to shoe size – we are all different, and fat is good. Ask more about what prompted the comment.

3.      THIN IS NOT NECESSARILY HEALTHY.

a)      Size is not an indicator of health – you could be large and unhealthy, large and healthy, small and unhealthy, small and healthy. Weight loss could be healthy, or not healthy. Weight gain could be healthy or not healthy.

b)     Athletes are commonly at an overweight BMI because they are so muscular – BMI and weight do not tell us anything about body composition

c)      We cannot control our weight very well. Our genetics basically predict how much we should weigh. If we try to eat too much, our bodies will turn our hunger down and absorb less; If we eat too little, our bodies will turn metabolism down and hold on to energy.

d)     Healthy behaviors support a healthy weight in the long term (as opposed to restriction, which can cause weight loss initially – but typically, rebound weight gain occurs due to greater interest in food and a slower metabolism.)

4.      OUR BODIES ARE AMAZING!

a)      Our bodies are incredible no matter what size we are. Point out the amazing things our bodies can do such as run, grow, and heal.

b)     Model how to take care of your body. Eat when it tells you it’s hungry, rest when it tells you it’s tired.

5.      WE ARE MORE THAN OUR BODIES ANYWAY.

a)      Try not to comment on peoples looks. Say “It’s so good to see you” rather than “you look great”. Make a habit of looking at people’s faces, not an up and down.

b)     Compliment creativity, effort and content over externals.

c)      Take care to nourish your soul and your psyche, not just your body.

6.      WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT

a)      Bodies come in many different shapes and sizes; skin and hair come in many shades.

b)     Compare body size to something neutral like shoe size.

c)      Sometimes it’s hard to be different. We all experience this in different ways.

Reading resources:

“Your Dieting Daughter” – Carolyn Costin

“Real Kids Come in All Sizes” – Kathy Kater