But I can’t even find clothing that fits!

Photo by Taras Chuiko on Unsplash

Is my body the problem?

You are in the dressing room, trying on a size _____. To say it doesn’t fit is an understatement; the stress at the seams reflects your own as you evaluate yourself in the mirror. 

I am so incredibly fat, you start to panic. How can this be? I usually wear a size smaller… and now even this doesn’t fit me?? It must have been the cake I ate over the weekend. Oh man… 

Enter helpful salesperson:

“Does anyone need any help with sizing?” 

You die inside as you anticipate the words that you are about to utter: 

“Um, yes… do you have this in a larger size?” 

She looks at you. You must be the fattest person she has ever seen because her eyes widen and she apologizes as she checks the tag.. 

“Oh I’m so sorry, this is the largest size we carry.”

Your face is hot and you thank her for her help as you quickly pull the curtain close and you collapse against the wall, breathing heavily and regretting all the food you have ever eaten. No more half-hearted dieting; you must lose weight once and for all. 

Something has definitely got to change. Your body is larger than you would like and shopping is especially difficult because it has become nearly impossible to find clothing that fits. But you can’t help hearing a small yet strong voice of reason pleading to be heard: 

This is who you are; who you were made to be. You have the same genes as your aunt and your sister. And you just can’t fight that. You are having trouble finding clothing that fits - but that does not mean your body is the issue. Your body is normal and is NOT a problem!

Why do you think your previous diets didn’t work? Because you can’t expect your body to be ok with that kind of deprivation.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s the diets that fail you, and society that creates unrealistic expectations and unhealthy pressure. Maybe, your body is not to blame. 

Your friend interrupts your thoughts waving an enormous shirt. You mumble your thanks and put it on. The texture is soft and the color is vibrant. Miraculously, it fits well - not too tight anywhere. You are surprised by how good it makes you feel. 

Then the doubts break through your moment of contentment: 

You would look thinner wearing black - wearing something more structured, a different cut altogether - never mind the fact that you should lose a bit of weight before shopping altogether. 

But you do something rebellious. You don’t listen. You buy that top and walk away. You enjoy the comfort and love that shirt gives you - and you never look back.

You stop looking for clothing that you think other people approve of. Nowadays, you look for clothing that makes you feel like yourself -

 without having to change anything.   

I am holding hope for making peace with our bodies.

Let me know if you can use some support on your journey.

All the best,

Noa